Happiness? You're Joking

A few months ago I went through a period in time most find stressful, some find relieving, and all find enlightening. I moved out of my parents' house and into my own apartment with two of my closest childhood friends. Not only that, but I am now enrolling fulltime (by definition) at MTSU.

I want to say, for the sake of my parents continuing affection, that this was a difficult transition. In actuality, I dove into it like some kind of trained seal... let's change that to dolphin. They're smarter. Everything about this new life of mine is suited to my liking. I have my friends a ten second walk away, my own room complete with door and walls, and my laptop. Looking at it like this, I probably sound like a very simple person.

The truth is, I battled for a very long time with depression. Not the "disease" but the actual emotion of being sad frequently. I constantly felt isolated, left behind, not part of a group, stressed for no reason and , above all things, lonely. Ever since my first year of high school, I felt an overwhelming sense of being misplaced. I didn't belong. Certain people excell in their high school years, I was not one of them. I can't imagine why. I know I'm funny, intelligent, and pretty easy on the eyes. I just never felt like high school was for me.

This problem became the center of much turmoil for me. Couple my mental alienation with my parents constant arguing, a brother I can't relate to and a history of high school drop outs running through my family and I came close to doing something not only stupid but terrible also.
I remember the night. I was a sophomore, I was home alone sitting in a dark kitchen by myself. The only light in the room came from the street lamps outside the window reflecting off the knife I held in my hands. I went as far as holding the blade to my wrists. i wanted to kill myself. I can't explain to you how I talked myself out of it, but I just dropped the knife and forgot the whole mess.

Without trying to get sappy on everyone here, dropping that knife might still be the greatest highlight of my short life. From that night on, my life started to change. It was very gradual at first. I started expanding a friendship I had already had for most of my natural born life in my friend Patrick. I heard a girl say one time how weird it is to hear a boy say the words ,"My Best Friend," But I know who my best friend is. The list of people I have shared so much of my life with is so short it can't ride most roller coaster rides, but Patrick is the one human being who helped me through high school more than any other human being in my life. I owe so much of my life to that man and the greatest part is, I'll never have to say thank you for it. Just," Stop being right all the time."

Another human being i owe most of myself to is William. No matter what other people say about him, no matter what kind of idiotic things I get myself caught in, I know I can talk to him about anything at anytime of the day. I will always have his back like i know he will always have mine. After all you can't stop The Bomb and The Reason.

This brings me to Jesse. I have known jesse longer than anyone who doesn't share my last name. He was my first real friend, and is still one of the best, brightest, and amazing human beings I have ever met before in my lifetime. He is someone everyone wants to be friends with, because no matter what kind of day you're having, he makes it better. 12 years and counting.

My life isn't perfect right now. It's far from it, but it is as close as it's ever been. If i could go back to that sad little high school sophomore and tell him how everything works out in the end I would. Knowing myself I already know my reply
" You mean you found happiness? You're Joking."